Photo Friday: The Announcement

Well, my $%!#!@ loyal readers who have stuck around, it’s time you knew about what I sort of alluded to with “having much to say this year” in my last post that was forever ago because that’s how I roll now.

Chalk Baby Announcement

Promotion or Demotion? YOU DECIDE.

 

!#%!#$ Baby Round Two. Electric @%##!ooo. Or something. I don’t know. I only get a half cup of coffee every morning so my creativity is about as awesomely creative as dryer lint.

We announced to our families at Christmas, wrapping a framed picture. Let me tell you, the photo turned out to be not as straightforward as I had originally thought and it took some dear family members way too long to figure it out.

Who know who you are.

Others screamed like banshees before the wrapping paper was off.

You know who you are.

So far the second pregnancy has been much like the first, except with some extra added heartburn and a few nights of not eating dinner after I cooked it because it smelled like feet.

Let me tell you something, however. I do not look like I did before. I’m 18 weeks as of today, and I do not look as glamorously fashionable as I did at 17.5 weeks last time. And it isn’t just because I spend all day in pajamas now.

Just be advised if you only have one kid so far and will someday have a second, people DO NOT LIE about the second popping sooner. It pretty much pops when you conceive. So that’s neat. You almost don’t need to pee on a stick.

I’ll try to get some comparison shots, but that requires getting dressed. And pants. Probably a shower. And makeup. #%$!# you guys, that’s a lot of work.

There you have it.

Is the world ready for #%!$ Baby 2.0? I guess we’ll find out somewhere around July 31!

 

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Here We Goat Again!

It’s been a crazy month of packing, moving, driving, unpacking, a slew of bugs and learning the lay of new lands and states. There is much to be said about all that but you’ll probably never read it. Somehow, in the midst of the crazy, we made one last visit to the farm in Maryland we’ve taken Little A to every year

Kid still likes goats. This year he also liked chasing the chickens, blatantly ignoring the DON’T CHASE THE CHICKENS sign, that rebel. He finally sat still long enough to not be a blur or an immobile lump in the pumpkin patch. He also rode a horse that was supposed to be a pony but was pretty much a horse.

I also learned that my camera is cursed at this particular latitude and longitude. The past two visits, my camera would shut down and I would have to take the battery out in order for it to work again. I thought it was something with the sensors and the sun or some shiut, because it was always super bright and I was usually trying to get glare, but this year was overcast and it STILL happened. It’s never happened anywhere else. Ever. So cool story, bro. Continue reading

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Photo Friday: Ice Cream Cone (Doing It Wrong)

Hellooooooo world. The !#%!@ Baby and I still exist! We ran a temporary hotel here for a few weeks to host three visitors back to back. To back. So we took some time off (ok, I took some time off) from blogging to hang out with friends and grandmas. We went to the zoo, the children’s museum dealie, ate junk food, drank beer (ok, I drank beer) and just enjoyed having other people in the house. 

Because just the two of us? We really get on each other’s nerves. For real.

Among the things we did, my mom (Grandma Bebe) was adamant about getting the kid his first ice cream cone. He’s had ice cream before, but never in the cone.

And that was made very clear. He would not pick it up!

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He liked it. A lot. But refused to touch it.

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Weird little bugger. Who doesn’t pick up ice cream cones?!

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 And God forbid one of us try to keep it steady on the table for him.

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And when he got tired of bending over…he thought of another way to eat it.

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HE REFUSES TO USE A SPOON AT HOME AND THE ONE TIME IT ISN’T REQUIRED, HE USES A GODDAMN SPOON.

%$#!@# kid.

Now enjoy a bonus video and see this cute fail in action. 

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Photo Friday: Spring in MN vs. Spring in MD

Life in Maryland last week was a liiiiitle different then it was when we were in Minnesota the week before. Don’t get me wrong, I love my home state and never waver on that, but they are bat shit crazy with the weather this year. Like, it snowed while I was there. At the end of April. And they got substantial snow yesterday. IN MAY. That’s weirder than The Great Halloween Blizzard of 1991, for reals.

I go through snow withdrawal  so I didn’t mind. We played in it! Little A wasn’t impressed. Possibly even annoyed I put him in it because that snowball? Went straight down my sweater immediately following that photo.

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We returned home to 65 degrees and sun. And played in bright green grass.

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He wasn’t impressed with that either. And played perhaps isn’t the right word. Froze in place seems more accurate. He wasn’t sure what to do.

He seemed to enjoy the swing and the slide and/or the basking in the sun but was unimpressed with his first baseball game.

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He’s just bummed the Reds lost. Or maybe that it wasn’t a Twins game. Shit, it was pretty warm, maybe he missed that cold white shit. A big week of firsts (snow, grass, slide, swing, public transit (not pictured), baseball) and varied weather!

You may notice an extreme difference in my hair. There’ll a blog post about that. Because it had gotten RIDIC awful. And it’s the @!#%!# baby’s fault.

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Photo Friday: Facebook Sucks

I had something more exciting planned for today. At least I think I did. Regardless, it is long forgotten and then I got frustrated with Facebook because running a Facebook page with mostly your smartphone is like trying to poke ALF with a chopstick after he’s flown back to Melmac.

I don’t know that because I watched ALF. I know that because I watched Saved by the Bell and Screech mentions it like 9.5 times.

IMPOSSIBLE. It’s impossible.

First they make you download another app. Which is stupid, I don’t want two apps for the same @#%! website. Then they remove half the functionality. Then they just make it not work at all. You can uninstall and re-download if you want to waste 45 minutes of package fail and network down messages. Personally, I’d rather watch two episodes of ALF.

Meanwhile, since they want you to use that worthless app, they make the regular app totally useless for page posts and everything you post shows up as a wall post from yourself. Meaning no one sees it AND your real identity is identified. Because that’s totally what I wanted to happen.

LET’S NOT MAKE THIS INTO AN ANDROID/APPLE DEBATE. Just do not go there. Soooooo not in the mood.

ANYWAY.

Here are two photos that I INTENDED to post on my Facebook page but Facebook had other ideas. And if you follow me on Instagram, then you’re awesome but these episodes are repeats.

Garden Party

Garden Party

"Look, lady, I'll eat it. Just stop with the damn noises."

“Look, lady, I’ll eat it. Just stop with the damn noises.”

And yes, this is a thinly veiled ploy to get you to like me on Facebook. Even though I hate it right now.

I can’t quit.

Call Intervention. Zack Morris has a cell phone you can borrow.

And no, the alliteration the title could have had did not escape me. I just thought the annoyance wasn’t worth the vulgarity. Which is weird. For me.

Happy $@%@! Weekend!