The Pros of (Temporary) (Military-Related) Single Parenthood

Yesterday, we went over the cons of such a situation. But today we celebrate the silver linings! It’s not always bad. Even in college we had summer and winter breaks apart, giving us an opportunity to miss/appreciate/become less annoyed with the other. PROS That span of 2005.5-2008.5 where we didn’t have a break?

Yeah, I don’t want to talk about that. Deployments can be good! We’ve come to enjoy them, at least parts of them. 

Plus they don’t exactly hurt the bank account and are pretty much the reason I don’t have to schlep to work every day any more…

Anyway, let’s get started! 

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I Can Count on You Making Me Cry. Every Morning.

If you watch TV and you’ve got a kid, you’re likely on a kid-friendly network and you’ve likely been subjected to numerous advertisements for child-related crap. I’ve ranted about ads before, I’m a former advertising major and though not in the industry, I have feelings about these things.

If you haven’t seen the Carter’s commercial (and if you have, you know EXACTLY which one I’m talking about) go and watch it now. I’ll wait.

While we’re waiting, how about those…Denver Broncos? Minnesota Vikings? Montreal Expos?

Okay, we’re all back now?

WHAT THE $%^#!$! $%@$% WAS THAT, RIGHT!?

If you have a heart or a child, you’re feeling things now. If you have both you probably want to break something so it can feel as terrible as you do right now.

Movies should make us feel feelings. Commercials need not do that, at least to that extent.

I feel so…used.

I CAN’T EVEN HEAR THE FIRST LINE OF THAT SHIT WITHOUT LOSING MY SHIT. BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT’S COMING.

Even now, with the script running through my head, I am clenching my jaw in order not to lose said shit.

I watch Full House every morning. This commercial runs several times. Every morning. And I can’t NOT watch Full House. I know this ad too well. We’re frenemies. It starts and I’m all I hate you I hate you I hate you and by the end of that thirty seconds I’m all OMFG SELL ME ALL YOUR GRIPPY SOCKS AND WHERE’S MY KID I HAVE TO GIVE HIM TEN MINUTES OF SNUGGLES BEFORE THIS AIRS AGAIN.

And in those ten minutes of snuggles I get irrationally angry that thirty seconds of advertising can get me so worked up, emotional and a damn trainwreck. AND THEN IT AIRS AGAIN. By the time I find something to throw at the TV, it’s roped me in again and I want to by every pair of pants with animal flair on the butt. In his size AND mine.

carters

When you hold my hand, I’ll hold it right back. And lead you to the mall. Bring your wallet!

It’s brilliant. It’s like the greatest @!#$%#! commercial of all time. It’s working. Even if I want to stab it.

It’s also the reason why I am refusing to watch the telecom ad that is making its way around the interwebz, making everyone I know have feelings. If all those people have the feelings, it’ll probably dehydrate me.

Apparently this spot has been around for a year, according to youTube. It’s only been driving me batshit for a few weeks. There are probably a ton of other blogs that have written something similar. But I didn’t look. THIS IS ABOUT ME HAVING ALL THE FEELINGS. Because I am having all the feelings.

I want you to feel like I do. That you’ve been emotionally manipulated. That your kid is growing up too fast and for the love of tacos don’t let go of his/her hand. That you can barely remember that first night home and you know for a fact that your kid can’t so that girl narrator is full of shit. That you need more striped pajamas with feet.

PASS THE KLEENEX. WE’VE GOT SOME SHOPPING TO DO.