New-ish Dog, New Tricks

Apparently February and March became LOOK WHAT I CAN DO months and this kid won’t stop learning shit. SLOW DOWN.

This out of shape mom can’t keep up, dammit.

While I was home in Minnesota, the kid decided that pulling himself up on the ottoman was the greatest thing ever. And then it was climbing the entertainment center handles like a ladder.

And then bonking his head.

And crawling up a single step. And down it. And up. And down. And crawling over a stool rung.

And then bonking his head.

We decided Minnesota was dangerous.

He also started legitimately crawling, not that army crawl shit he’d been doing since the beginning of the year. Up on all fours, crawling his little ass off. And evidently he can sit unassisted. Which he may have been able to do before but since he never sits still, we never knew. But now we know. And he can.

He also learned what “No” means, though it lacks a specific definition in his little brain. He’ll stop what he’s doing, turn to look at us, stick his tongue out, twinkle his eye, then continue on his destructive mission.

He will also “give kisses” now, but I wouldn’t recommend getting one unless you want to lose some hair and have a wet nose. He claws the sides of your face, pulls you close by your hair, then tries to eat your nose. It’s gross, painful and damp but holy shit it’s cute. And it’ll make you melt when you’re angry and frustrated and trying to get him to nap and he does it unprompted for the first time.

puddle

He can also #$@^%! walk behind one of those lawn mower-esque pushers. He just turned nine months. He shouldn’t be able to do that. I don’t think. April is already headed down a bad path.

Just gonna park this over here for now. Can't believe this place doesn't have valet.

Just gonna park this over here for now. Can’t believe this place doesn’t have valet.

We lowered the mattress again (gentle weeps), added some teething guards, further baby proofed, got rid of the coffee table so he could have more room for activities. Every morning I find him standing in the crib. Every afternoon I find him standing in the Pack and Play after nap time. All day I chase him around yelling No No No No No! All he wants to do is stand and crawl and try to walk.

All I want to do is nap. I’m not ready for this level of mobility.

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Scooter McGavin

The little demon is on the move! It started with the roll. And then the use-your-forehead-to-move-forward thing that I don’t think any baby has ever done in the history of ever. And now, it’s the Army crawl. And man, once this kid locks on to something,  he can get there in a hurry.

What exciting toys does he lock on to, you say? Well, I am @#!%@ glad you asked.

Because the answer is none. NONE OF THE TOYS.

He goes after the dog toy, the giant rawhide bone, the cat, the dog and computer cords. No matter where they are hidden, he finds them.

Toys are for wussies. REAL babies chew on rawhide.

REAL babies chase the cat who hates 98.4% of everything and is known to bite.

I used to think the kid was going to be wicked smart. Now I am questioning that.

He is getting pretty damn close to crawling. He can get up on his knees and while he doesn’t go anywhere yet, he does rock back and forth,  like he is winding up to propel forward. It’s funny until he tried to climb over your leg, and in the process, pretty much humps your leg. But it gets funny again when he gets tired and bellyflops.

Gone are the days of setting the kid down in one spot and leaving the room for five minutes. Where once he would remain in roughly the same spot, now he finds everything he shouldn’t get. It’s never going to end, is it?