Thanks, You Turkeys.

So much has happened in the past year that it would be hard to be my pessimistic self and not be thankful today.

I am thankful that my pregnancy was easy, drama free and added something so key to my life it is hard to imagine a day without it. I am thankful for my family, both the little one here and the rest of it spread across the country. I am thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to stay home and hang out with the little dude. And watch TV. All day.

I am thankful for the bourbon and bacon that will soon cover my turkey.

And of course, I am thankful for you guys who continue to read my nonsense. I would probably still be here without you, but talking to myself, and I do that enough during the day to not need to do it all over the interwebz.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with all the %!$#^  things you like best.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YOU CRAZY TURKEYS!

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Halloween. Tricks. Treats.

Dear $#^! Baby.

On Halloween, I peed on a stick to see if you existed. I had known for about seven days that you were probably all up in there, but I guess we had to be sure. I didn’t want to end up on “I Knew I Was Pregnant But Didn’t Do Anything About It” (coming soon to TLC). I had Jimmy Johns for lunch and a half shot of bourbon in the three-minute pee stick developing time in preparation, since you would be taking these precious things away from me. Probably not the most responsible decision…but it sure was delicious.

I couldn’t bear to look at the results because I’m preeeety sure that second pink line appeared immediately. I don’t know for sure because I high-tailed it out of the bathroom. But Big A dared to seek the truth. It pretty much went like this.

Bug-eyed and ready to vomit with this new sense of holy-shit-I-have-to-be-an-adult, I sat on the floor.  Big A pranced around the room and I kept yelling at him.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

THE WORLD DOESN’T NEED A MINI US.

OH SHIT THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.

THIS IS THE WORST TRICK EVER.

(Big A’s response to that was obviously THIS IS THE BEST TREAT EVER!)

For whatever reason, we had a bottle of Sparkling Cider. So we drank it in celebration. Big A kept trying to rub my belly. I kept trying to punch him in the face.

I PEED ON THAT.

Welcome to the family, Kid. Hope you’re more prepared than we are.