I Can Count on You Making Me Cry. Every Morning.

If you watch TV and you’ve got a kid, you’re likely on a kid-friendly network and you’ve likely been subjected to numerous advertisements for child-related crap. I’ve ranted about ads before, I’m a former advertising major and though not in the industry, I have feelings about these things.

If you haven’t seen the Carter’s commercial (and if you have, you know EXACTLY which one I’m talking about) go and watch it now. I’ll wait.

While we’re waiting, how about those…Denver Broncos? Minnesota Vikings? Montreal Expos?

Okay, we’re all back now?

WHAT THE $%^#!$! $%@$% WAS THAT, RIGHT!?

If you have a heart or a child, you’re feeling things now. If you have both you probably want to break something so it can feel as terrible as you do right now.

Movies should make us feel feelings. Commercials need not do that, at least to that extent.

I feel so…used.

I CAN’T EVEN HEAR THE FIRST LINE OF THAT SHIT WITHOUT LOSING MY SHIT. BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT’S COMING.

Even now, with the script running through my head, I am clenching my jaw in order not to lose said shit.

I watch Full House every morning. This commercial runs several times. Every morning. And I can’t NOT watch Full House. I know this ad too well. We’re frenemies. It starts and I’m all I hate you I hate you I hate you and by the end of that thirty seconds I’m all OMFG SELL ME ALL YOUR GRIPPY SOCKS AND WHERE’S MY KID I HAVE TO GIVE HIM TEN MINUTES OF SNUGGLES BEFORE THIS AIRS AGAIN.

And in those ten minutes of snuggles I get irrationally angry that thirty seconds of advertising can get me so worked up, emotional and a damn trainwreck. AND THEN IT AIRS AGAIN. By the time I find something to throw at the TV, it’s roped me in again and I want to by every pair of pants with animal flair on the butt. In his size AND mine.

carters

When you hold my hand, I’ll hold it right back. And lead you to the mall. Bring your wallet!

It’s brilliant. It’s like the greatest @!#$%#! commercial of all time. It’s working. Even if I want to stab it.

It’s also the reason why I am refusing to watch the telecom ad that is making its way around the interwebz, making everyone I know have feelings. If all those people have the feelings, it’ll probably dehydrate me.

Apparently this spot has been around for a year, according to youTube. It’s only been driving me batshit for a few weeks. There are probably a ton of other blogs that have written something similar. But I didn’t look. THIS IS ABOUT ME HAVING ALL THE FEELINGS. Because I am having all the feelings.

I want you to feel like I do. That you’ve been emotionally manipulated. That your kid is growing up too fast and for the love of tacos don’t let go of his/her hand. That you can barely remember that first night home and you know for a fact that your kid can’t so that girl narrator is full of shit. That you need more striped pajamas with feet.

PASS THE KLEENEX. WE’VE GOT SOME SHOPPING TO DO.

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17 thoughts on “I Can Count on You Making Me Cry. Every Morning.

  1. Oh my God. The Carter’s ad I’ve seen before, so I was prepared for that. But the effin’ Telcom ad. That thins is practically NSFW. No I don’t have something in my eye. I’m going away now.

    Lovely post as usual.

  2. I hadn’t seen that ad but now I have AND OMG I CANNOT HANDLE IT. You know that they have been aggressive about airing it now that it’s back to school season and all the kids are heading off to school and not being babies any more. Evil.

  3. I effin’ cry at everything. I effin’ cry at Full House whenever the god damned slow music starts playing and Uncle Jesse tells Michelle that Papouli died. I was just visiting a friend and first-time mom whose baby is not even a month old. She was telling me how she cries about everything and asked when it stops. I told her that my oldest is 8, and I’ll be sure to let her know when that happens.The worst part of all of this, I can’t even go buy Carter’s clothes…because my kids don’t fit in them anymore. Can you pass a Kleenex?

  4. I’m in Canada and there is a Tim Horton’s coffee commercial about taking your kids to the hockey rink early every morning, blah, blah, blah, that is my emotional Achilles heel. If I hear it come on, I have to yell to the kids to mute it or I’ll be on the floor. I don’t even drink coffee…

    • Did you see the Olympic Moms ad during the games last summer?! It was sort of along those lines, taking your kid to practice, cheerng them on, blah blah blah. I think it was for Proctor and Gamble products but I don’t even remember. Bawling. Every time. Several times a night. For two weeks. Granted, I was two weeks post-partum at the time, BUT STILL. I was a wreck.

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