Holy Crap! (See Also: About Damn Time)

That was my expletive-free reaction to the “You’ve Been Freshly Pressed” email I got last week. For once, I didn’t curse. It was weird.

Dudes, I’ve been waiting for this shit since the day I started blogging. I didn’t know why exactly, I just knew it was the ultimate in WordPressery. Thing is, I’m sort of a terrible blogger but cocky enough to think this should have happened a long time ago.

If you expletive newbs stick around, which I sincerely hope you do, you will discover the following about this site:

1. I swear a lot. I mean, HELLO, you should have @$#^$ing figured that out already, based on the blog title alone.

2. I’m pretty self-obsessed.

3. I LOVE comments and I try to reply to all of them. But I’m also extremely lazy.

4. Sometimes I don’t blog for weeks (please refer back to #3).

5. My kid is cuter than yours. Sorry.

Cheers, Newbs!

My “Me” page is horrendously out of date so I wouldn’t recommend going there. I’m pretty sure I’m still pregnant over there.

I complain/rant a lot, red velvet everything makes me go mad with rage, I don’t get very controversial. My favorite blogging phrase is “but that’s another post”. Don’t get too excited when you see that phrase, however, because that post rarely comes. I love bourbon, which could explain quite a bit.

You can check out the “Us” page for more info but there isn’t actually much there either, but the rundown on this family is as follows: Married for 7.5 years, straight outta college, military, beer-loving, Rock Band playing, little crazy. Like, we have a party every year where attendees must wear jorts crazy. Maybe this is another post.

See, told you.

You will never see a photo of my husband, known throughout the internetz as Big A. Nor will you ever see the real name of either Big or Little A. This is clearly by design. Some of my friends don’t even know their real names, so don’t be offended.

My brother recently passed away, so be prepped for the occasional grief/recovery/emotional post. I’m not going to Trigger Warning that shit because we’re all adults here, so if you’re not crying with laughter within the first two sentences, you’ll be in ugly tears by the end. There’s your !@#$% warning.

I started this thing with the intention of ranting about all the things the @!%#@ Baby was “ruining” for me. Except I ended up with the easiest pregnancy and the fastest delivery in the history of babies so I sort of look like a whiner now. Maybe when we go for !@#$ Baby #2 I can get the pregnancy hell I so desired. JUST JOKES.

If you’re still with me by this point, maybe even begging for more, I can be ALL OVER YOUR @!%#! SOCIAL MEDIA. Follow me on Facebook and/or Twitter. I also Instagram because I loves me some fake filters.

Some of my earlier posts that I felt deserved a little more attention:

If you explore, you’ll find shit that I don’t even remember writing. Skimming through some of those blog titles was a glimpse into deep depths of forgotten lore.

So, hugs, homemade frosted cupcakes and bourbons for all the new followers and subscribers and friends! Thank you for checking me out. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and checking out your blogs as well. Now, have a !@%# nice day, because I said so!

I WAS FRESHLY PRESSED, YO!

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15 thoughts on “Holy Crap! (See Also: About Damn Time)

  1. weaver says:

    there are days that this blog is the thing that keeps me going…well this and tapas…oh and sangria…..damn now I want sangria and tapas….#$^%*& this now I need to plan my next trip to DC

  2. You are one funny girl! I was crying in bed last night reading your blog out loud to my husband. Yep, good times in our marital bed…

    Congratulations! You deserve it!

    Jenni

  3. I like to have a bourbon while I read blogs, but not when I write. I can’t be held accountable for what I write with a bourbon or a Bushmills in hand. I’m enjoying what I’ve read here so far, think I’ll go click around some more, see what stands out!

  4. Even though I do not agree with all the cussin’ (I’m doing my best not to cuss myself but my wife catches me every time I do, even tho I do this that I don’t want to do) I can’t help but enjoy a good rant on a daily bases. Thanks. and Congrats.

  5. I’m a little creeped out.

    1. I like to cuss. A lot. I may have put on my about page that I apologize for doing it so much, but I don’t really mean it. 2. Just started blogging (three days ago, I swear) and before I found your amazeballs shit, I picked the same effing theme page. (It’s gonna get more weird, hold on.) 3. Your baby is probably cuter than mine, so you have that. 4. I just ranted about red fucking velvet and acai fucking berries, because no one needs that shit. ever. period. 5. My brother recently passed away and emotional outbursts will appear at random, too. 6. Facehole is the name I have in my phone for my best friend….a big gay bear.

    I swear to god I’m not stalking you. This shit is fer reelz. Not sure how? Maybe because we are clearly pretty effing cool. Someday when I grow up I want to be freshly squeezed or pressed or poked or something fun.

  6. What a dick I am. What I meant to say was congrats on the fleshpress. Nicely done and well deserved. Tell me, how the hell does all of this work?
    -K.Savage

  7. Ironically I found your blog via… you guessed it- Freshly Pressed!
    I’m an absolute blogger-virgin, total newbie and stumbling across your blog has made me giggle no end. Hopefully, you’ll be able to pop on over and have a giggle at my very bare-almost non extant-because I’m so new blog 🙂

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