30 Days of WTF

Dear #%@! Little A,

You are a month old. WTF. I’m not quite sure how that happened. You’ve been through a fair amount of shit in the past four weeks.

First, the fact they entrusted you and sent you home with us solely responsible.

Three days within being home, there was an epic 15 minute thunderstorm which left us without power from Friday night until Monday morning. During a heat wave. While we sweltered in the basement for the first half of it, your Grandma B and I couldn’t take it any longer and fled with you in tow.

Which won you your first trip to a hotel.

And you went through a little unintentional diet when we stopped feeding you enough. And your jaundice returned and you had a better complexion than me, albeit a bit Jersey Shore-y. Sadly, you did not get any more free tanning sessions.

Everyone needs to see how jacked and tan I am.

And you didn’t gain weight for a week, after dipping from 6 pounds at birth to 5.5 at your check up. I felt terrible.

But then we opted to heftily supplement again because my body wasn’t cooperating, you became our little Milk Monster, and you gained 13 ounces in five days like an epic beefcake. You get a little frantic when you feast and it’s a little scary when you don’t stop, but I suppose that’s a trait you have inherited from your father. You also try to latch on to your father’s nose. Good luck with that.

Milk comes out of your nose two hours after the fact and I am not a fan of that.

I even captured the milk nose, fool.

You have my penchant for making crazy faces and I do appreciate that.

Mastering Mama’s eyebrow raise

I cannot believe you’ve been with us for four weeks. A WHOLE %^&^$$ MONTH. You’ve been a blessing, a joy, a terror, a pest and better than TV. I love our daily cuddle times and hope they continue for a long time. Mostly because it gives me an opportunity to nap. And I $#^@$ love naps.

I used to think everyone was crazy when they complained that their kids grow up too fast. BUT I TOTALLY GET IT NOW. Newborn clothes are still a little big on you, but there are a few onesies that are getting tight and that makes me sappy cry.

I feel like I just popped you out. I haven’t even posted the birth story yet. HOW HAVE YOU HAD TIME TO GROW.


And filling out insurance paper made me get all weepy because I’ve never had to define my relationship to anyone as “mother”. I AM SOMEONE’S DAMN MOM. Scary thing, that.

But seriously, you’re pretty awesome. And even though you cry like a baby, I’m glad you’re here.


11 thoughts on “30 Days of WTF

  1. When I finally went to pick up C’s birth certificate and saw mine and my husband’s names listed as her parents, it was the weirdest feeling. I am someone’s mother. She is my daughter. I have a daughter. It still sounds foreign.

    He is so cute I can hardly stand it!

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