My Hips Don’t Lie

But HOLY HELL do they hurt.

This is new.

And I can’t say I like it.

You know what I DO like? Tylenol PM. Also, Zantac.

So, back to my Shakiras. My right hip is so stiff all the time as of Sunday. I know it’s all part of the game but it totally came out of nowhere. I have tried sleeping on my left side, but always wake up on my right, so, whatever. Little A also seems to prefer when I sleep on my right side and you know I would do anything to make his uterine stay more comfortable.

(insert eye roll)

In other crazy happenings, instead of my usual morning routine of 6 alarms, 18 snooze buttons, 20 minutes to get ready, flailing around trying to find something that fits, feeding the animals as I brush my teeth, flying out the door and speeding to work (no exaggerations), this morning I was wide awake at 5:30. FIVE F$^@%!\ING THIRTY. WTF. I tried to go back to sleep. Sleep is my favorite. But then the monster cat attacked the door and then jumped in bed and pretended to be all sweet and then out of mother%&@$! nowhere attacked me. So I chased him down and attacked him back and by then I was wide awake.

SO F IT. I came to work early. And got Starbucks on the way in, obviously. At least I’ll get to leave early.

But I can’t say I like it. I feel out of sorts. Twilight Zoney. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME.

Well, for starters, THIS is still happening:

Week 33

That was taken last week and Little A is apparently the size of a durian. Which means nothing to me except that he smells like rotten meat and his insides look like custard and people are not allowed to eat him while riding mass transit in Asia.

That’s about all I know about durian.

NERDY BLOGGER ALERT: Super happy congrats go out to Southern Fried in Vegas and Broken Condoms, who both popped out their daughters last week! As some of the first bloggers I started following, it is terrifying to have them be moms instead of just knockered up (typo, I know, but it is cracking me up so I am leaving it). That makes me and Squatch Makes Threeย as the next in line. Loser buys beer.

On that note, apologies for this crazy rambling post. Happy Thursday! Oh shit…


This is why I don’t get up early.


10 thoughts on “My Hips Don’t Lie

  1. Ande says:

    Up till the Starbucks part, this could’ve been my wife writing it. But we don’t have a Starbucks within 60 miles of us. And my wife doesn’t have a blog. And she usually sends me to attack the cat instead of doing it herself.

    The race is on.

  2. Enjoy the last few weeks! I had my daughter 11 days ago and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I miss being on my own schedule. Going to the cafe up the street for a drink is my goal for next MONTH lol…

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