Dear #$%! Baby.
On the morning of November 1st, less than 12 hours after we discovered you, I noticed two little red bumps on my outer hip. They were close together and even in size. Either I was attacked by a teeny tiny vampire or a spider bit me sometime during the night. And you know what? It better have been a @#%* spider. We don’t need any batshit crazy pale skinned mini sparkly ass vampires in this world. You hear me? If you come out a freaky vamp I will have to lock you in your room forever and slide pancakes under the door.