Little A’s Big Nut

I alluded to some specialist appointments that had to be made in my update post. You know, that post in which I updated…and then abandoned you again. If you’ve been hanging around here long enough, that shouldn’t have fazed you. If it did, well, you’ll learn.

Back to business and nuts – at Little A’s two-year well child visit, there were a few things of concern.

  1. He wasn’t speaking. I knew this. Speech therapy is ahead.
  2. He wasn’t growing. I knew this. The checklist to rule out any major issues was expanded to include a blood draw, three month follow-up and a visit to a Cardiologist to make sure his murmur wasn’t a bigger issue than we thought. Which was exactly zero issue since he’s had it the whole time and it was labeled “innocent”. UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. We see the Cardiologist in three weeks.
  3. He has a giant ball. SAY WHAAAAT. I literally cracked up when the pediatrician pointed out his monstrous testicle. I had been prepared for the speech delay, the growth delay, I had even already considered the murmur, but an enlarged cojone?! Nothing could have prepped me for that.
    nuts

We got the referral to see the pediatric urologist. Whose name, not even joking, is Wang. I can’t make this shit up. The pediatrician thought it was most likely a hydrocele which is a hole in the sac that allows for a slow leak of fluid. Most of the time it’s caught before the baby turns one, so either Little A had a slooooooow leaker or no one has been paying close enough attention to his nuts.

The urologist determined it to be a inguinal hernia, and don’t ask me to explain it, because kid was throwing a fit in her office before, during and after he was examined and I didn’t get a full description. Either way, it requires surgery to repair it. I don’t need to know WHAT is wrong. Just fix it! Fix my kid’s balls!

I’m sorry, I feel bad for making fun of the #$!#$ baby, I really do. He isn’t in pain but it sure can’t be comfortable. But it’s his balls. BALLS. I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old boy, so. This is just the cherry on top of my summer, honestly. Like of ALL things, it’s this. It’s just so damn funny to me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not thrilled that he needs to have a surgery or need to be put under anesthesia. But so many people I know knew what I was talking about right as I explained the situation. It’s a common procedure and he should be in and out in 20 minutes. I keep telling people the worst part of the whole thing will be driving in downtown Baltimore.

Seriously.

As it approaches I am feeling a little more nervous, mostly because I know how clingy/cuddly/cranky he can get when he’s sick and I’m sure he won’t be feeling very good down there for awhile. I’m also supposed to keep him from horseplay for like THREE @#%@!$# WEEKS, so that’ll be a fun challenge.

I just can’t believe I didn’t notice the fairly significant testicular sizes. Whoops. I should also mention that when the pediatrician pointed it out, while I started giggling, my first thought was HOLY SHIT I’M NEVER GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!

My brain sort of jumped a few decades there. It was a serious and immediate concern. I don’t have a set, I don’t know what goes on down there.

That’ll be my next few days. Tending to a swollen, surgically repaired sack and trying to keep a two year old relatively still. Wish us luck. We’re gonna $%@# need it.

jesus

 

Time For Your Update. It’s Okay If You Giggle.

Yoooooo. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I know you missed me devastatingly so, and I figured I could give you a heads up on everything that’s hot on the docket and remind you that our $%$@!# Family does, in fact, still exist.

We’ve had a busy summer with trips to the beach, vacations to Minnesota, Colorado and Georgia, lots of visitors and a holy shit SECOND birthday. It’s also been filled with doctors appointments, wicked colds, lots of referrals to more doctors and about six boxes of Kleenex, both for tears and nose gunk. And a monkey cake. There was a monkey cake.

Everyone is healthy, though. Until we see more doctors. But no one is rushing these appointments, so I’m gonna stick with healthy. 

I had an amaaaaaazing self-experience trying to summit a mountain and I have plenty to share about that. But do you know what it’s like to climb a mountain for 12 hours and have stupid kid TV show songs in your head? Because I do.

No joke. These two songs. Twelve hours. It was worse than the actual hiking-for-12-hours thing. 

 

I DON’T EVEN WATCH MCDOCTORSTUFFYWHATEVERFACE.

We totally watch Bubble Guppies though. And their stupid Mac & Cheese puns get me every fricking time.

So get ready for blogs about doctors, hiking, traveling with (and without) a toddler and a full update on the kid at 24 months. Get excited. Pour some bourbon. I’m You’re We’re gonna need it.

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Photo Friday: Ice Cream Cone (Doing It Wrong)

Hellooooooo world. The !#%!@ Baby and I still exist! We ran a temporary hotel here for a few weeks to host three visitors back to back. To back. So we took some time off (ok, I took some time off) from blogging to hang out with friends and grandmas. We went to the zoo, the children’s museum dealie, ate junk food, drank beer (ok, I drank beer) and just enjoyed having other people in the house. 

Because just the two of us? We really get on each other’s nerves. For real.

Among the things we did, my mom (Grandma Bebe) was adamant about getting the kid his first ice cream cone. He’s had ice cream before, but never in the cone.

And that was made very clear. He would not pick it up!

DQ2

He liked it. A lot. But refused to touch it.

DQ5

Weird little bugger. Who doesn’t pick up ice cream cones?!

DQ1

 And God forbid one of us try to keep it steady on the table for him.

DQ4

And when he got tired of bending over…he thought of another way to eat it.

DQ3

HE REFUSES TO USE A SPOON AT HOME AND THE ONE TIME IT ISN’T REQUIRED, HE USES A GODDAMN SPOON.

%$#!@# kid.

Now enjoy a bonus video and see this cute fail in action. 

If I Made Mistakes, I’m Sorry. Just Tell Me.

Dear !@$!# Baby,

At your last doctor visit in January, we were told to schedule an appointment if you weren’t saying any true words by May or so. Well, buddy, we are mostly through April and you still don’t speak.

You communicate, for sure. You know and use the signs for eat, more, please, nap and poop. You can make the sounds of cars, trains (even though it sounds like a monkey), helicopters, airplanes and vacuums. You imitate dogs, cats, monkeys (even though it sounds like a train), birds, seals, ducks, lions, sheep, mice and bears. You know your head, ears, eyes, hair, chin, cheeks, mouth, nose, eyes, elbows, hands, knees, feet, fingers, hands, toes, belly and butt. You know what the five senses are. You can imitate snoring. You know when to clap your hands, stomp your feet or smile when a song tells you to. 

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